I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
