The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
