I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
