planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
