arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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