I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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