New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
