when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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