This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This baby is an asshole
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
