What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
