I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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