Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
