was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
