Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
