its not stalking. its research.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
