We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
