There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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