I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
