Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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