a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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