It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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