i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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