Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As shirtless as possible
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
