you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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