I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
