God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
