Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
