There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
