hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
