he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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