Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize