too bad you live with your parents still
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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