After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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