I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
