Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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