You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
