what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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