We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
