More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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