it wasn't lemon gatorade
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
