God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
