If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
