She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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