It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
