Hey man sorry I got all grabby
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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