Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
