Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
