Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
