I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
