worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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