mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Randomize
