I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
