Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
