i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
