i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
