Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
