I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You ate ashes out of my bong
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
