would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
