Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just tell him i said nine months
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
