Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
