You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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