isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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