I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
