After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm like, not good at living.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
