Jerry, you need to find god
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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