Plan B is the new Plan A
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
