I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
